Eintrag Sechs "Rutschige Piste"

Is it ok to feel this sensation of emptiness in the body, a lack of warmth? For hours now I have stared at the wall on the opposite side of the room mumbling incoherently, crying, and screaming in fear. The thoughts have lingered in my mind long enough, growing as I come to realizations. I wonder even then whether or not I’ve fucked my head up beyond comprehension if this is even real. My thoughts are no longer straight, much less human, I have the entirety of history at the whim of my fingers yet I have no idea what to do with this knowledge. I have memories of the past, present, and future memories as far as the eye can see rolling over into the horizons of the voided world. 

I fear to leave this room because I wonder if I will be opening the door to my world or one of the infinite realities I witnessed. The sensation is racking my pain-filled body, as I get up turning to look at the door thoughts and words flashing before me as I limp forwards. I see shadows everywhere now, taunting me and whispering ideas and suggestions into my ears, telling me to commit acts I know I could never go through with. I direly wish to eradicate these thoughts from my brain, hell I wish I could wipe these past 2 weeks clean from my mind. My friends have been calling me, they are scared and worried, but how would I ever explain these thoughts to them with endangering them to some sick fate as I myself was destined to live through? A knock at the door, a friend, no a foe. He’s on the other side beckoning me forth for some sick game. 

The voices scream to run out to embrace him while other calmer ones beg me to stay inside and protect myself from his wrath. Who are these voices possessing my mind, why do they speak of good and evil. What if I’m really just going insane, what if this isn’t even real? Should I get some help before I lose myself to the maelstorm?


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